Are you hearing yourself say things like “there are no good men out there”? Are you feeling fed up, cynical and going through the motions of just going out expecting the same old thing?
Your life is the mirror of your mind.
Said otherwise, you see what you believe. How does that actually work? Your beliefs are communicated to the reticular activating system in your brain, which actually shapes the selection of your mind and adjusts your line of sight to turn what you believe into your personal reality.
With the disappointments of online dating, the awkward bar scene and all the changes in the dating game, it’s hard to manage expectations and sometimes easier to give into negative thinking. We often coach people who have fallen into a slump of genuine despair; thinking “is there anyone out there for me?”
One of the hardest things for people to hear in their dark moments is to “think positive”. The reality is that our beliefs dictate our actions which perpetuate our reality. If we feel there is no one out there, we stop going out or we stop being our best, we become judgemental in conversations and most importantly, we stop shining our light and become less attractive.
Here is an exercise to show you how this works:
Say out loud the most negative belief you think about the dating scene right now:
1. Now ask yourself: Is this absolutely true?
Is this true 100% of the time? For every person? In the entire world?
The first step is to get beyond the “reality” in your mind that this is an absolute fact so you can detach from it and make room for new thoughts.
2. Then ask yourself – how does it make me feel when I think this negative thought?
Notice all the feelings that come up. Sad, unworthy, alone, unhappy, disappointed (maybe even relieved?). Realize how those feelings aren’t helping you and get curious why they may feel safer for you to think this way? Could it be that deep down you are keeping yourself safe from getting hurt? Find out if you are ready for love http://live-eligiblemagazine.pantheonsite.io/2012/05/31/are-you-ready-for-love/
3. Now ask yourself – what is a new thought that I’m willing to think to get myself into a new reality? If I were to paint the masterpiece of my relationship life – in love with the right person. What would I be saying to myself if I knew there were plenty out there and the right one for me?
Once you determine what that is, start a new conversation and start encouraging your friends to think it too. The faster you can create a new internal reality – the faster your life will show up with new evidence as the mirror of your mind.